Blame it on New Year – it brings a sense of New Beginnings and Letting Go’s, not to mention – Moving On’s. I was thinking of looking back at 2012’s happenings in my life, but I find myself looking back on the past decade of my life. I don’t know how that came about, I just realized if I look back from last year (it’s already 2 hours to New Year here…), 2013 will be the same as 2012 – or at least not much of a difference.
See, way back 2002 – things are much much different, a lot have happened and the impact of decisions and choices is only felt now til the last days of 2012. Well, technically for the long-term decisions and goals – which I never really have simply because time is never long-term for me. It’s me talking and am not generalizing. If you are one of those people who had the same impulsive and courageous character then we have the same disease. I plainly consider the tomorrow as a chore and live the days as if it were to end today. That is also the reason am saying I felt the consequences of 10 years eating me up just lately. I worried for a while, then got mad, hated myself for a few minutes – then I finally admitted defeat. I can’t beat myself for my choices – it is me, no matter how many New Year’s resolution I write – I live daily and not on tomorrows. What kind of failures really burn? I only know of personal and emotional attachments. Career and finances are always that something we can always recover from. Unfortunately, with raging emotions and physical attachment – things are murky and blurry especially when reason is all but a cliché’.
Here’s an example, 10 long years ago – I was a happy 20-year-old girl with a very first serious relationship. 5 years after a chaotic bliss and on and offs – I became a wide-eyed bride walking on the aisles. 10 years after, I am separated – 2012. Thank God, I am still Myself. Nothing changed and is welcoming 2013 with a blast!
Life will kick you hard in the butt, but the truth is – it’s just life’s way of making you feel pain so you will admit that you are only but a human being. Don’t be harsh on yourself. The secret of letting go? Cry, hate, blame yourself, and then afterwards – live.
C’est la vie!